How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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