I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
