Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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