I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
