just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
