If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
