we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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