who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
