when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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