hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
