we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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