Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
