The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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