I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
