She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
