The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
