woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
