girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
