Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
