if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
