the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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