So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
