just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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