The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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