my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love black thongs
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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