meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
