i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
