So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He shit in the fireplace
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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