hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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