Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
