you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
