Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
