Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize