i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
