I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
