yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
