And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
