ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
