stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
