google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
