The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
