"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My ass is underappreciated
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
