Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
