my phone needs a breathalizer
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
