im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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