Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
