Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
