so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
