$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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