break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
