if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I CAN MOONWALK!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
