Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sarcasm needs its own font
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
