I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
