Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
