i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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