Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
