call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
