Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
