I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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