Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
