All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
