Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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