You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
