i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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