Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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