whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
