honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
