Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
