Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
