She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
