he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
