do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
