I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
