the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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