sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
