who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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