Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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