I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
