Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
